I'm not dead yet...

A few nights ago, I went to dinner at the Raven restaurant with a friend.
The server comes up and asks, "Have you been here before?"

I said, "yes... I even worked here before".
She then asked the worst question in the world.

"Really... When?"

As I thought back, I realized it was when I was 15. That was 22 years ago.

Ugh.

Is it possible that I'm that old? What happened? I don't feel old. It's like someone put me into cryogenic stasis and I've recently woken up.
I remember it all, but it's more like a book report than a memory.

Memories are weird things. I mean, I can't remember which elementary school I went to, but I remember the girl who almost threw up on me at a party.
I don't remember the names of the kids in my high school (maybe a few) but I vividly remember what it felt like when I first learned to ride a bike.

I don't remember my first girlfriend's face, but I remember the terror of meeting my first bully in Florida.

Where am I going with this? I have no idea.

Oh yeah... Old.
Am I old? What is old? I'm 37 years old. For a head of lettuce, I'm ancient. For a tree, I'm still pretty young. For a mountain, I have not even begun in my years.

For a man, I think I'm just right.

In fact, I think I'm having more fun now than when I was a kid.
When I was a kid, I always had people telling me I couldn't do this or that.
Now that I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions and live with the consequences.

Like that stupid bike ramp. Yeah. That wasn't so smart.
But I did it. My son got to see first hand why you don't jump a hardtail mountain bike on a wet street.

I think that's why my mom always told me "no". She was afraid I'd hurt myself.
She was right, but sometimes you have to get hurt to truly learn.

Maybe that's one of the keys to life. Some things you just have to experience for yourself.

Epiphany time!!!

Yeah... I'm sure of it. That's probably the main key to life. You ready for it?

God could have created us and just put us all in Heaven to worship & adore him and love one another all the day long. But we would never truly understood the depths of His love for us.

God put us down here on Earth so we could experience the contrasts of:
Pain - So we'd understand comfort
Suffering - So we'd understand healing
Hate - So we'd recognize love
Anger - So we'd understand joy
Jealousy - So we'd learn to trust
War - So we would appreciate & long for peace
Fear - So we would overcome it and become brave

He also sent down His own Son to prove it could be done.

Wow... where did that come from? What just happened?

So I guess it's good that I'm old. I have experienced a lot. Hopefully, there are more experiences on the way!!!

My evil plan to save the world...

Five Iron Frenzy has a song with this title.

I never really paid much attention to it until I was on the road with my family. My son asked why they have an evil plan.

As I was explaining it, I realized that I was in mid-epiphany.

The chorus goes like this:

I have an evil plan to save the world for every man, and I think it's better than the way it's being run. Oh, the ground works laid, no don't be afraid, I'm sure that I can fix it, when I figure out the physics.

The song is done in jest, but the logic is sound. God has a plan for this world. We're part of it. When we decide that our plan for our lives, or the lives of those around us, is better than God's plan, our plan immediately becomes evil.

Some of you may not agree, but God is funny that way. We don't have to believe in Him for Him to exist. We don't have to agree with God for God to be right.

God just... is.

That's pretty final if you ask me.

Stay on track with me now.
Jeremiah 29:11 says that God already has a plan for us. That plan is in our very best interest.
I said all that to say this...
If God's plan is better than any plan we could possibly come up with, our own personal "master plans" for our own lives, no matter how well-intentioned, are evil.

When I say, "evil"... I don't mean 'eeeeveeeeil' (holding pinky to corner of mouth for effect). I just mean that, compared to God's plans, our plans are harshly flawed at best.

So think about that when you decide that your plans are better than God's. I'll stick with God's plans for my life.

When to say when...

I've been thinking about that phrase lately.
Is there a point where you call it quits?

Don't freak out on me. I haven't been thinking about quitting anything.

Since Pastor Chuck asked if we wanted to take this journey with him, I've seen a lot of things... in myself, and in others.

I've been given lots of reasons to quit... I've been given lots of reasons to stay one more day.

But the question du jour is this: Is there a point when you say, "enough is enough".
Is there a point where you say, "It's not worth the work, struggle, pain, and sacrifice"?

The short-sighted would say "yes" to this.

However, Phillipians 2:5-8 tells me otherwise.
5 Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. 6 He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. 7 Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! 8 Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death - and the worst kind of death at that: a crucifixion.

What I read here, In a nutshell, is that Jesus never said, "it's not worth it".
His final words to His disciples were words of encouragement to continue and that He would always be with them.

So is there a point of diminished returns?
I say no.
I often think back on something Pam read to me. She was reading one of her Frank Peretti books. The end of it had two angels ascending into Heaven, but one stopped to witness someone's "coming to Jesus" moment. The angel stopped and said, "Wait... let me see this one more time".

So I guess that's the point I'm trying to make. What drives me is not the treasures in Heaven, but the chance to see one more person fall in love with Jesus.

Not because they're notches in some Heavenly belt, but instead, witnessing this wonderful event is like getting saved all over.

An apology???

It seems I have a new reader. I think this reader doesn't approve of my writing or my beliefs.

Fair enough.
I'd like to officially retract my "looking like a retard" comment as it was harsh and unnecessary.
It was way out of context, but I was trying to describe how badly I looked when getting back into surfing.

All that being said, I'd also like to re-iterate the purpose of my blog. These thoughts are my own. Right or wrong, they're mine. If that makes me a bad person, then I guess I'm a bad person.

I feel if I continually censor myself, I'll slide into mediocrity and will lose the free-speech / free-flowing thoughts and musings of a guy trying to get it right.
Not a guy who's got it right, but trying to get it right.

Okay. Nuff said. Read some of my earlier stuff. It's more inspiring.

I have decided

I officially hate my job.
This project I'm on has pushed me up to about 14-16 hours per day.
From a guy who's used to working 4-6 hours per day, this is quite a hindrance to other parts of my life.
I started working at about 8am this morning, here it is 9:22pm, and I'm still working. I don't see an end to this evening's "festivities". Maybe about 3-4am.
Then I get to start back over at 8am tomorrow.
Just a little frustrated.

So here I am, hating my job, but still realizing that it could be worse.
I could be one of those guys who shovels elephant biscuits at the circus.
No offense to elephant biscuit workers... I'm just glad I have a job I guess.
A big change happened in my company. My boss' boss and his boss were both let go along with a few fellow employees on our team. Five in all.
Thanks to God that I wasn't on that list.
So what now?
I dunno. I feel like I'm letting a lot of people down. I've made promises & commitments. I'm afraid my job is going to keep me from fulfilling them.
I feel like a bit of a failure when this happens. I've had absolutely zero personal time since Sunday evening. Since Monday morning, it's been wake up, work, go to sleep, wake back up again.
This project is supposed to last for the next few months.
So not good.
A lot of people who are depending on me deserve more than the shallow time I can offer.

I ask you... seriously... I beg you. What do I do?