Where am I going?

Tough question time. I don't have a clue where this post will lead, so please bear with me. As you may (or may not) know, I find myself asking myself tough questions. I didn't say I love it, or even like it for that matter, but I ask anyway.

So... where am I going? I have no idea.
I can only have faith that God knows. I guess I'm okay with that.
I would be lying if I said it's easy.
I firmly believe my life would be far less complicated if I threw my hands up and walked away from all of this.
I know for a fact that I would have more time on my hands if I stopped answering the phone and changed my email address.
I truly know that I would have time for all my hobbies if I didn't spend so much time with ministry.

But then... a big chunk of me would be missing.

Something at the core of me is crying out right now as I type these words.
Something is yelling, "What are you thinking???"
It's okay Something... calm down. I'm just taking things to extremes for a little self-actualization.

I think God is revealing this to me right now.
My whole life has led up to this moment. All the struggles, the good and bad times, everything, has been put in place for this moment.
Following Jesus is not a "have to" or a "want to". For that matter, it's not even a "get to".
It's a desperate, I can't live without you, type thing.
It's a, "there's something wonderful inside of me that I need you to see".
The something wonderful is not me, but it's inside of me. When I saw it, I knew I'd never be the same again.
I guess that's why I do it. Why I answer the phone or check my email or talk to people. To show them that "something". With all that I am, I believe that if you truly see it, you, too, will never be the same.
So, don't look at me, look inside of me.
Hopefully, I'll be able to step far enough out of the way so you can see it too.